[Quinnn]

Hi everyone,

I would appreciate any advice you could give me.
Here is my problem:
I am a college freshman and I am falling in love with my classmate. I know what you're thinking - been there, done that, but this is something different.
Apparently, I have some issues with RECEIVING love. This guy seems to like me, he's totally giving me clues that he wants to be with me, and that's great, but I am suddenly feeling so insecure...
I think it might have started in my early years actually. I had kind of a harsh father who would always tease me when I cried or never respond to me showing love to him - I mean, he would never even hug me. So I put on this mask, this facade and yeah, I am 19 I don't cry anymore but my love life is a total mess. It is pretty much non-existant, if you will. The other problem is, you'd never tell if you met me. Okay, I really really do not want to sound priggish, but I am actually pretty, I am very slim, have blond hair and blue eyes and I am also a nice person, or I am trying my best to be one. I am so self conscious about this, even my closest friends don't know. They would say that I have everything, but hell no, I don't. I can't tell a person that I like him. I don't know how to act. In past, I liked some guys and they would come up to me and all of a sudden I would lose interest and run away. I am tired of this. I care so much about this classmate of mine, he's important. I want to love and be loved.
Please help me. How to deal with this?

[rabababa]

Why don't you just go on a date without "falling in love?" Try to get to know each other without all that pressure. If necessary, tell him you need to take things slowly.

If you can't be comfortable with someone you like in a no-pressure situation, you may need counseling.
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Regret is worse than rejection.
Confidence rules and shyness drools.

[n_o_y_b]

Well we need to know more about your relationship with your classmate. Are you friends? Do you talk often?
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[ryscaprice]

Well, you don't go and tell him you like him. You show him that you like him.

And, if you can't even handle that, I second that you may need professional counseling.
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"I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me"
-Beatrice, Much Ado About Nothing
William Shakespeare

[n_o_y_b]

Yeah, with your other problem we can't help. If you'vegot self-esteem issues you need to talk to a psychologist, or at the very least one of your close friends.
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[Quinnn]

No, see, that's the weirdest thing. I don't have selfesteem problems at all. I don't think I really need counseling {I mean it, I'm okay
. Overall I'm fine, it's just that for some reason I feel like running away when getting psychologically or physically intimate. I would get scared - not literally, but I would get uncomfortable. I have such a hard time falling for someone and when finally I do and he likes me back, I just want to run away. Am I crazy?
This time I want it to be different though... I am just not sure where to start

[n_o_y_b]

Well again, are you friends with him? Do you talk to him often?

If you have problems like this, the first step is to start off slow. Be friends first. Hang out with him and let the relationship build. Also, be aware that you must be brutally honest with how you feel. Odds are this guy likes you, but he won't understand it if you suddenly act distant or if you hesitate to make the jump. He'll take it as a sign that you're not interested. So tell him how you're shy at relationships and don't have a lot of experience and you want to take it slow.
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[Quinnn]

We're not exactly friends yet, but I have this amazing connection with him! The second I met him I knew he was going to be important to me... I don't know how to explain - maybe he has this aura or something that I can't seem to resist and it's not only physical.
I know by now that he likes me, and it could get more serious quite soon...
...If I don't start to freak out. I don't want to screw up. Do I need to tell him? I don't want him to find out that I'm such a...well, weirdo. That could scare him off, don't you think? Or at least that might not be the best start for a relationship, if he thinks me "different".
I wish I wasn't acting like a 5year old But it's something inside of me, I can't help it...

Thank you for all your replies (special thanks to n o y b)! It really means a lot to me...

[n_o_y_b]

Yeah you kind of do need to tell him, otherwise he won't understand.

Think of it like this, say the guy you liked had the same problems you had. So things are going good, then he suddenly freaks out and acts weird and distant. Wouldn't you think to yourself that it is best you just leave things the way it is? Screw it, plenty of fish in the sea right?

But on the other hand, if he told you something personal, like that he had intimacy issues and his dad was a jack ass, you'd be more understanding, right? Well that's how it works. If he doesn't know that you have problems, he won't take it into consideration in case you screw up.

I'm not saying you need to make a big deal out of it, I'm just saying you should inform him so he knows.
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