I am deeply in love and I want to be with him more than anything BUT.... he is my therapist! When I met him for the first time and he said hi to me, I thought that he was a patient there because he looked in his early 20's but then he told me was my therapist. I have had a major crush on michael buble for ages and my therapist looks just like him. He flirts with me and makes me laugh so much. He understands me and accepts me for who I am, I know that that's his job but maybe he likes me too. I am 19 and I don't know how old he is but based on how much he's achieved in his life, I guess he's in his late 30's. He has kids but he's not married. I know it's really weird that I like someone so much older who has treated me and has children and usually I would never even consider someone like that to be my boyfriend but I am in love with this guy. I can't stop thinking about him, he's perfect and I just want to be with him. Should I tell him that I love him? Could he get in trouble if he said it back? If he didn't feel the same then could he make me see someone else? I really really love him, I knew it from the moment I saw him. What should I do?

[Grant00]

I know you're not going to like this response.

I don't think you're in love with him. I think maybe you're attracted to him and you like him as a person, and since he treats you nice you feel loved and in turn think you're in love. Yes, he probably does care about you, but I'm sure its the way a friend cares about another friend.

I think you should switch therapists. Try someone new, and maybe you will like them more. Perhaps your sessions could even be more productive when you're not attracted to them. You could even try a therapist the same sex as you. It might be easier to talk to them then, but it depends on the individual I suppose. If you decide to bring up your feelings to your current therapist I'm sure he'd probably suggest the same thing.

Even if you are in love with him, and if he happened to have feelings for you; it is very unprofessional to date a patient. I think he could actually have some legal percussions

I'm sorry to be so critical. It must be hard. Give it time though and I'm sure this situation will work itself out somehow.

[rabababa]

Grant00 is right.

What you are feeling is a common effect known as "transference." According to wikipedia:

"In a therapy context, transference refers to redirection of a client's feelings for a significant person to the therapist. Transference is often manifested as an erotic attraction towards a therapist, but can be seen in many other forms such as rage, hatred, mistrust, parentification, extreme dependence, or even placing the therapist in a god-like or guru status. When Freud initially encountered transference in his therapy with clients, he felt it was an obstacle to treatment success. But what he learned was that the analysis of the transference was actually the work that needed to be done. The focus in psychodynamic psychotherapy is, in large part, the therapist and client recognizing the transference relationship and exploring what the meaning of the relationship is. Because the transference between patient and therapist happens on an unconscious level, psychodynamic therapists who are largely concerned with a patient's unconscious material use the transference to reveal unresolved conflicts patients have with figures from their childhoods."

If your therapist acted on your feelings, he could lose his license and possibly be charged with criminal offenses. I know one psychiatrist who lost his license and his wife for improper relations with a patient. Don't go there.
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Regret is worse than rejection.
Confidence rules and shyness drools.

[n_o_y_b]

Watch out. He can't go with you so you better just move on.

Plus, did you know that most cases of female stalkers, they end up stalking their therapist?
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Thanks for your replies. I don't want to get him into trouble so I'm not going to mention/act on my feelings eventhough I find it really hard. It does sound a lot like transference and I can understand why I have deep feelings for this man based on my life experiences. The last reply hurt me... are you suggesting that I'm going to turn into a stalker?? The reason I've been having therapy is because I was stalked by a man for years and repeatedly assulted so I'm freaked out and upset that you think I might be one too.

[Kraftdinnerchef]

Eh, don't let it bother you. There's a world of difference between having feelings for someone - something that you didn't choose to have - and disrespecting that person as an individual with feelings, needs, and agency of their own. You didn't do anything wrong and, from the sound of it, you probably wouldn't have.

You got the advice you were looking for - don't worry about what doesn't apply.
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[baby_chick_91]