[markw_uk]

So I actually have a problem which I thought I'd quiz you all about since we all love the advice chat on the forum these days.


Im only out to a few close friends (and some people the not-so-close friends told). So far nobody has had a problem with it and I dont mind the people that know, know (provided they keep their mouth shuts).

I started talking to this guy a few weeks and we've met a few times. Few kisses nothing mental but the boy is such a good chat and gorgeous. He isnt out to anybody in this city. I mean nobody (cept people who have seen his photo on some daft gaysite). But he is uber paranoid. More than me. Not a single one of his friends know.

So we were texting and I was talking about about my situation and how a few close friends know.

Then he texts back saying that "I should probably should tell me now i dont plan on coming out anytime soon to anybody. im not saying we 'are' anything...but if we ever were 2 be something it probably wont be easy because nobody knows. guess why im saying this is because I do like you but I dont want to waste your time".

So I really do like him (the boys WAY above my league) but wouldnt it be weird if i started 'seeing' him and i couldnt tell my mates? I would want to, but openly running the streets, but just telling the people i trust who he was and that I was seeing him. Im not out to everybody so dont care to much for the public displays of affection but still. We dont even hang out that much with others because its hard to make up a story of how we know each other.

Thoughts?

Also....fact of the day 1 league = 5.55600 kilometres apparently.

( I didnt proof read this, its probably all shite).

ALSO If i have you on any social network sites - facebook/myspace. dont mention this AT ALL.
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[TwinKZ]

aww mark that sucks.

for me i would have trouble seeing someone who was fully in the closet like that. i tried it once and things just didn't work out. cause things were good when it was just us. but when it wasn't it was kinda weird. we couldn't be together when anyone else was around and that really bothered me. cause she would act weird cause everyone knew i was gay and she didn't want people thinking we were together.

not telling you to go for it or not just giving you my experience. it's up to you if you feel comfortable enough with being with him in your situation.

EDIT: oh yeah. and mark i love you.
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[toolatetoescape]

You're in a pretty tough spot there, Mark.

I generally have the view that if someone is ashamed of our relationship, they're not worth my time. If the person is willing to start the whole 'coming out process' and you can help them through it, then I would be willing, but to have to totally hide my relationship? I'm never up for that.

I like to be able to be with my significant other in public, hold hands, kiss occasionally, etc. If my significant other isn't comfortable with that, then it's probably not going to work.

You just have to decide what's important to you. Is it important to you to be able to share it with your friends, be "coupley" in public, etc? If so, then this probably isn't the relationship for you. If not, then I guess go for it?
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[markw_uk]

[TwinKZ]

[coolmatt24]

In my opinion, I'd say not to go further with this. It's fair enough not wanting to be fully open about it because neither of you are out, but having to be so secretive about it, even around people you yourself trust implicitly, will place a huge strain on not only your relationship with him but on your friendships too.
And if you ever do want to take the plunge and come completely out, you'll never be able to because he'll be holding you back.

Plus, someone who hasn't told anyone at all about their sexual orientation is either someone who is still ashamed of themselves, someone whose coming out would be dangerous or someone who generally just isn't ready...and none of those are great foundations for a lasting relationship.

If he's worth the risk consider it, but I personally would look for someone whose more...on your level.
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Matt
My Deviantart
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[markw_uk]

Christ, not even one vote for 'Maybe'?

Im not wanting to come out because of my parents.
He doesnt want to come out cos he isnt ready/is kinda in denail - but is totally open about the fact he isnt comfortable with it. Im not saying we're planning our honeymoon, but he brought it up randomly that if we were to be seeing each other, he warned me it wouldnt be easy. Mehhh.

I dont think Id mind if he didnt mind me telling my mates, but my recent past (AKA three weeks ago) shows I have a crappy taste in telling secrets to some friends.
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[TwinKZ]

hey i said it was up to you and if you were ok with it. i didn't vote yes or no. =)
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[rickweber]

[markw_uk]

Spoke to him over the past few days and he doesnt seem to mind if I tell my mates about him. Aslong as I can trust them not to tell people.

It's not like I want to hold his hand in public or anything cos I dont want to be totally out either. All I want really is him to come out for a drink or something when my mates are out. Blehhhh. It doesnt help I love his chat and he is gorgeous.
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